I am The Lokpal !!!

Yes, I am the Lokpal. It’s my responsibility to fight against corruption. Anyone who is corrupt will be brought in front of me and punished, be it PM or CJI. I will eradicate corruption from its root. No official asking for bribe or misusing his power will be left alone. If required i will even ensure that PM doesnt take even a 50% chance ona decision, in fear that his decision would be declared as influenced by a external reason.  After all i can punish even the main man who runs the country. That burden certainly is not enogh , and he needs a constant background check.

Hello mr PM,! Be careful, I am right here.

But it’s not my responsibility to ensure honest people come to power. I am not going to carry investigation on people who stand in elections. That’s too tedious. I’ll wait for them to win election, misuse power, plunder money and than I will catch hold of them, prove them guilty, and try to bring back the money. This way I will get a bigger applaud. After all who will appreciate my position if I stop the wrongdoers from entering the arena itself? Plus it’s a lot of hardwork.

I am a centralized body. Of course I want to keep a check on what’s going on in the entire country. That’s why I’ll still maintain lokayuktas. They’ll investigate at ground levels and than intimate me, so that i can take further action. Why should I go through the trouble of organizing base checks? After all I am the Lokpal and I am above the PM and CJI now.

I will investigate in all corruption cases; after all I am the superman of this country. And how does it matterif there are many corruption cases ? As long as I can manage to hunt down the big guns, minor levels of corruption may go unnoticed. And if anyone notices that out, i’ll just say we lacked resources and ask for increase in number of personals. After all it’s not from my pockets that I am paying from. And how hard can it be to check if a government officer has asked for money while giving a passport. The people won’t have any proof apart from word of mouth. So I will decide on face value whether the dude is corrupt or not or maybe take some money for deciding this by the officer. After all it’s his career; he’ll pay anything to save it, Irrespective of being guilty or not.

I will carry out the decisions as soon as possible. Within 1 year I will do the investigation and than decide punishments in the 2nd year. I'll personally go to Dubai and insepect the land bought by minister there , negotiate and sell the property to get the money back to country.  On-site oppurtunites always keep the employees pepped up.

I will consist of judges, citizens and constitutional authorities. Hmmm... But I am putting judges under my supervision because judiciary is corrupt. So what’s there to say past judges were honest? Won’t having them around make me corrupt? Well right now I just want the bill to be passed, these I can think later. And I can always chuck anyone who pisses me off, out of Lokpal by a vote system.

I will give protection to people who raise voice against corruption. Well terrorist attacks can’t be avoided, but we need to provide protection to all who stand against corruption. Who care if defense man power goes down in this process, terrorists kill 10 people today , they will kill another 20 , but I’ll nail the corruption , because that’s the most important issue , and people are supporting me. Just by hearing that the movement is anti corruption they have left work and are following Anna around to raise support for my existence.

It’s my responsibility to ensure rations are not siphoned off, roads are built well etc., manpower no concern. but if I am actually taking all of these responsibilities what is the government for? Interesting! I am the new age power that’s going to question government on all its decision, on all accusations of angry people, whether justified or not. After all I am smarter than all the judges who have existed before me and will pull out investigation results of thin air and punish the accused or the accuser.

Thanks for helping me come to power. Now start shelling out taxes which instead of going for development of country goes for development of my body. And maybe ;) I might bring back all of the “kaala Dhan” black money back to country and ensure the prosperity that we have been denied, for last 65 years.

And that’s the bottom-line because the Lokpal said so, Believe It! Or I am starting an investigation on you because as one of my followers said “if you are not with the movement, you are supporting corruption”, and under my watch the corrupt will not escape.

The Girl With A Sexy Tattoo...

How does one feel when she towers over the rest, looking down at people? How does one feel when a glass of water at the end of next table is away just by a strech of hand?How does one feel when everytime she meets a bunch of idiots , she earns a new name.

This is a story of a girl, who might as well be the sweetest girl around in bangalore.

She goes by many names, i would have love to post each of them, but there are just too many. In naruto, one of the key ways to make a friendship close was to give a nickname that is personal between the two friends, a name by which only you call your friend. Going by this theory, this special girl might just be the most loved of them all. Some call her Kanoon (Kyunki kanoon ke lambe haath hote hain) , Subinder( Sardaar touch marks the past)  and too her great dislike many more.

I first met this girl while stalking her friend ,lets call her Brain (name is ironical as the grey cells are missing). Over the next few weeks we kept chit chatting, mainly via messages. Finally i asked her to accompany me on valentine's day with the legendry line " I feel like a raindrop, falling for you" . Well funny as it may sound, it was the start of the many lines that followed. To great surprize, she agreed though it was a combo pack with brain joining in as "kebab me haddi". It was a good evening, finally ending with brain trying to hamper "acchi wali neend" with a slap right next to the lift , I dont think she remembers it because of obvious reasons, but it was very wierd . For the first time in 23 years, you manage to find a girl who will accompany you out for valentines day, only to have her roommate /best friend/ biwi end the day with a  bang !

Though by the end of the night we were better friends. We started meeting often. The girl was as much fun as anyone could be. I will go on to say , she was a complete entertainment package.

It was in Goa, when betrayed by her best friend she got the tattoo, which apparently scared her for life. In short  Pinky liked a tattoo, Brain applied brain and convinced her to get a "sexy" tattoo, so that she herself could get the nice tattoo 15 minutes later. A perfect example of  "yaar ne hi loot liya tattoo yaar ka". This tattoo did mark an era of sexiness (though i wont go in detail, as per terms of PCT) . A night later, bar tender of a disco was busy pouring free shots for her.

Through thick and thin she stuck by us, first at reva, then at RLV. from regular Guests she became a member of Family.

I remember a particualr incident, when she started scolding Kohli over the phone, the phone was passed to Nunny, then me and finally to shaleen, who took 5 minutes to explain that she was scolding a wrong person.

The conversation went on like " Surbhi, this is Shaleen, Surbhi ?  Surbhi ? This is Shaleen , Surbhi ? " Lucky for him she got done with whatever she had to say.

Another such incident , was at new years , when we were scolded for not reaching and getting a table in indiranagar when they were closer to the place. And surprizingly they managed to force us to reach early.
That my friends is how terrorizing this pretty looking girl is.

I remember the nights where she whooped people in Tekken ( If you have fingers that long, you are pretty much unstoppable), when it comes to a fight , a game or real world , Subi is unstoppable , specially when  "woh phook gayi hai" .

It' been a long journey, from "anyways, whatever"  to "meko khoon kar dena hai tera" to "how supple how? how do you manage" to "neend ke dushman" to "Maine jhanda daal diya hai" and finally to "toka lao, aur khoon kar do mera".
(For those who dont know , toka is badi wali chaaku)

Word of advice to all who know her and will know her in future " When the hands start moving, it's time to back down, or you are in for a heavy hammering" ... You will know what i mean when she is in a flow.

And a word for Subi " You are precious and you know it"  ( Post Coorg Treaty Sucks)

A night at ShivajiNagar

                                                                 

Here is a story of 3 people who went slightly overboard celebrating the birthday.

Star : Ajju

Co Stars : Bankrupt Supple, Hungry Mota

Guest Appearance : Sweet Subi

This is an experience that I wish no one else has. It started off at 1 , we all were busy celebrating Ajju’s birthday ,and as usual Amrita ‘APS’ Rathore had office next morning , so it was decided that mota will drop her off at Indiranagar. Of course the birthday boy had to accompany. I ended up joining along because I had made a promise to Royal Sweetness that I will ensure, that I get her home. We were running a couple of hours late as per the initial plan.

Still No issues, Mota driving at Jet speed, we soon found ourselves outside the PG , bidding good bye to the ‘Buttery’ Amul and Subi . This is when our little adventure started. We were hungry, as we all know sometimes partying hard leaves you craving for more and more food, and for some weird reason (primarily because mota was too fast)  time was seeming slow, very slow, to matter of fact it was so slow that we didn’t think time could pass slower.We were so worng. It was only later that me and Ajju realized how slow the clock actually ticks.

We  reached Shivajinagar, it was as shady as you can imagine. Hunt for rolls began. We soon found a place and settled down. Not a great ambience , but we weren’t in a position to bargain due to time constraints (to our dislike as we found later , we were definitely not in a place to bargain)

We ordered 5 rolls, 3 for us and 2 for “Strong” Satya. We went ahead to order another Biryani, had to, with ‘Hungry’ Mota around  food would have never sufficed. It was then that we discovered a flaw in the seemingly perfect plan and so the hour began.

Mota had Rs 160, the bill would have come more than that. I and Ajju were without wallets, and Mota had Rs 0 in his account. No problem, he decided to widraw from the Atm, so he walked out, leaving me and Ajju behind. And then started, what may have been the longest wait in our lives. To add to our problems, The biryani arrived as soon as Mota left.

There we sat , the 2 of us, no money, waiting for mota to come back, resisting the food. Continuously we stared through the open door, and slowly the clock ticked. I asked ajju to message mota that biryani had come, but that too went wrong. Ajju phone went out of battery and last thing we saw on it was mota check-in into 5 different places in Shivajinagar, not even speaking to one another, we gaped at open space out of the door. In the meanwhile I asked for the bill and it was Rs 285. Mota returned , but the news was bad, he wasn’t able to widraw money. We had Rs 160 , a table full of food. We decided a full stomach will help us think clearer, so we ate , discussing future plans . It was decided that we will ask  Subi for help. Call was made, Money was requested but alas she too was bankrupt, though I think she said she would arrange the money (Surbhi you are so sweet )

So Mota took the car, and his journey began towards Surbhi who would be our rescuer, while me and ajju sat and discussed what would happen if we didn’t have the money. A bet was on, Ajju said Mota will be back by 3, I said 3:15. It’s amazing how slow the clock ticks , as we stared at the clock we considered the possible solutions.

Initially was Ajju’s fear, “bhai birthday ke din maar paregi aur bartan dhona parega”. I was slightly more practical. I decided to leave Amrita’s pen drive as mortgage , but we soon realized it was a bad plan. They didn’t look like a crowd who would enjoy a USB drive. So I changed strategy, it was Ajju’s birthday so I tried convincing him it’s high time he deserves a new phone, and we could mortgage the blackberry.

Ajju considered and said “ Bhai, Tab toh aur Roll manga sakte hain”

The fear was gone, all that remained was to wait for mota, It was 3:00, Ajju claimed that his time extends till 3:07, I agreed, the bet was least of my concerns. 3:05 the big man arrived. It was relief, which even Bit End sem results never gave us. He could not meet Subi but he got the cash, we paid the bill. We headed out had tea and headed back.

The owner realized the issue, his final words as I remember them “ Cash nahi tha toh bolna tha, yahaan credit card swipe ho jaata”

Ps: Mota explained why he got delayed, whihc included getting lost (yes people, i am not the only one who loses the way) and getting fuel refilled . But the fact still lies that the guy drove to indiranagar and back in 20 minutes with all these obstacles.